The Greatest Story of All Time

'''Author's Note: This is a story I wrote to poke fun at writing cliches. Do not think that it is automatically bad. Although it probably is.'''

In the beginning, there was darkness. And then, the Big Bang happened. In those 14 billion years, a lot has happened. My story is just one of them.

I was just an orphan farmboy living in a small, remote village. I was plowing the fields when I found the mystical Save'yer, which can save or destroy humanity. It made me the "Chosen One", who is the only one who can defeat the tyrant king. So, after an epic adventure, I defeated the king and earned the world's respect. Meanwhile, my scientist brother created a robot that turned evil and wreaked havoc on humanity. However, I defeated the evil robot. Afterward, aliens invaded Earth and tried to kill off the human race. But I defeated them. Then I traveled through time to stop Hitler. However, Hitler traveled through time to try to prevent me from ever being born, but the Chronocops arrived in time to stop him. It turned out that Hitler was really a space alien. So I defeated him. The humans and aliens have been fighting for so long that they forgot how the war got started in the first place. It turned out to have started over a stupid misunderstanding between two sides that otherwise have no reason to fight, but no effort was made to resolve the crisis diplomatically. The two sides have been at war for millenia, but I ended the war peacefully in a matter of hours.

I was unhappy about the new school year, but I had something that most guys don't: I was the most attractive boy in school. There was a beautiful new girl from another school, and I ended up falling for her. It was love at first sight. However, things got complicated when an extremely ugly girl who lived in the city fell for me. She was a virgin, not because of a moral choice, but because she was burned by a bad relationship. In contrast, I've been around the block a few times. I had to make a choice. I picked the ugly girl because it turned out that she was very kind, while the beautiful girl turned out to be cold-hearted. At first, I thought that all city women were vain, weak, and scared of horses, but the ugly girl proved herself by working at my farm. Eventually, she learned to like the small village, and I learned that she was nothing like my ex-girlfriend, who deserted me for the big city the moment she got dust on her black pumps. I learned to see people for who they are and not how they look. However, unbeknownst to me, the ugly girl was dying of cancer. I cried at her funeral. I went back to school heartbroken.

My grandmother died and left me her fortune. However, because of a stipulation in her will, I was forced to marry the girl that I hated and that hated me and manage a business with her. If I didn't, the inheritance would go to my undeserving cousin. Eventually, I realized that she was the perfect girl for me, and we fell in love. She saw something in me that others didn't and made me a lovable person. Suddenly, the beautiful girl went crazy and tried to kill me. But I defeated her.

All of it turned out to be a dream.