You Shouldn't Have to Experience Fear

AUGUST 1

I was out walking my dog one night. There were no lights, and the stars were visible in the sky. Suddenly, I saw a strange object in the sky. It went closer, and then I got sucked into the strange object. I could see a strange creature with three eyes, pinchers for hands, and tentacles for legs. The alien then went towards me and with eyes blazing, pincers snapping, tentacles flailing, growing slowly closer and closer, I experienced something beyond fear.

I began to shake. The fear welled inside me, approaching the brim of what I dared call sanity. I began to shake violently. My entire body convulsing, heaving, writhing.

And she was on top of me. Her hands on my shoulders, her elbows locked, arms fully extended. Blonde hair hung in my face. She was sweaty. She was scared. She was beautiful.

"I couldn't wake you," she said looking down at me. "I tried. I tried and tried but you wouldn't wake up. You were sweating and breathing hard. I couldn't watch it any longer."

I put my hand to her cheek and brushed a drop of her sweat away with my thumb. I looked in her big, bright green eyes. I told her it was Okay. I told her everyone dreams. I told her it's healthy to dream. I told her I was fine. I told her the same things I told her every night.

She let her elbows bend and she was on top of me, her body warm and light with the soft sweet scent of perspiration. She held her face inches above mine.

"It's every night. You're terrified. Your face, your eyes, the way they flutter and your teeth grind. It's agony to watch." She touched her forehead to mine. She whispered, her warm breath in my face, "Why won't you wake up? Whatever it is that you're running from, whatever it is you're hiding from, whatever is frightening you, all those things lose their power over you if you just wake up."

I was about to tell her that it wasn't that simple. She got there first.

"It's that simple. It's just that simple. Just wake up. When you feel threatened, wake up. I do it all the time. I wake up and then I go back to sleep. You shouldn't have to experience so much fear."

She put her mouth to mine and we kissed. She whispered, "I love you," and laid her head next to mine.

I could've said she was right. I could've told her that I'd try to do better. I could've agreed with her statement about me not having to experience so much fear. The fear was tiresome. The fear was boring. The fear was only an appetizer and I shouldn't have to experience it. There were better things out there. Exciting things. Interesting things. Things beyond fear.

I brushed her blonde hair from her ear and whispered I loved her. I placed a sweet kiss on her cheek. She nuzzled her body next to mine and soon she was asleep.

The room was cool and dark and comfortable. The ceiling fan turned slowly above. I listened to her breathe softly in my ear. I thought again about what she said. I smiled.

I kissed her forehead and closed my eyes. I shouldn't have to experience so much fear. No. I should not. I deserve so much more than that.